The vax takes a genius from us

Matt Christman as we knew him is gone

he tried to tell even his doctor

“I have a throb in my temple, they tell me it’s nothing,” Matt Christman of Chapo Trap House says at 1:08:50 in what is likely his final Cushvlog soliloquy, aired live on Monday night, September 18. Watch the whole thing - it is like a prophecy, for the next morning, Tuesday, September 19, according to this statement released from Chapo in an oh so Clintonian late Friday night news dump September 22, “Matt Christman suffered a sudden severe medical emergency…” Stable condition, out of commission for the indefinite future, blah blah blah, emphasis on shut the fuck up with your freakish questions. Give them credit, after 3 days focus grouping how to whitewash what obviously occured, at least they didn’t blame commotio cordis.

This new disease, “sudden severe medical emergency”, a black veil of silence where once an actual cause could be uttered, is so pervasive now, in our families, friendships, coworkers, the news, we do not need Matt constantly pointing at his throbbing head on video the day before to know what happened. But Matt did constantly point at his throbbing head on video the day before, which of course will be ignored, the way Damar Hamlin dropping over on live television has been ignored. In last year’s opus, Hell On Earth, Matt begins the tale of capitalism’s birth out of feudalism’s death throes with the Black Death of the 1350’s, tearing to pieces the feudal order which would yet live on like walking death another 300 years. Now, as the capitalist order collapses, we have The Silent Death, a wave of dying and agony acquiesced to by the masses so perfectly in unison, we cannot even speak of it, because we’ve done it to ourselves, a truth so horrible we cannot even bear to allow the thought of it to exist in anyone.

Gone forever is this beautiful mind, one of the greatest artistic geniuses the internet era has birthed. No matter how “fully” Matt “recovers”, he’s done. News of it fell to this Browns fan yesterday with the same gut punch I got watching Nick Chubb’s knee get destroyed by a Steelers linebacker on Monday Night Football, the night of Matt’s last dispatch. A generational talent wiped out before our eyes, and all that’s left is a gaping hole of nothingness. Perhaps Ken Burns read my piece warning the world Matt was coming for his Lost Cause soy ass, so hired some Ukrainian witches to conjure a spell to curse Matt to oblivion, where he now lays. Whatever “serious medical emergency” occurred in Matt’s throbbing head, at best, Matt may, just may, return as Democratic Senator John Fetterman, a walking zombie in pajamas we are all told is not a vaccine injured shadow drooling sweet nothings into his hoodie.

This means Chapo Trap House is finished, the way Jerry Garcia’s death meant the Grateful Dead were finished in 1995. The truest tragedy is the Chapo boys did not have to submit to the covid vaccine, ever. They were on top already, completely independent, before they decided to move from New York to LA in 2020 to chase The Ring. They’d already hit the big time. They could easily have taken the rocket ship to the moon Jimmy Dore now rides like a John Wayne cowboy, firing righteous working class rage at the foolishness all around us. It was all there for the taking.

But Chapo needed bigger, Gollum needed His Precious. Poetic in its Greek tragedy, in LA Chapo met, and happily acquiesced to, covid vaccine protocols and mania so pervasive, Hollywood held onto vax mandates until May 12 of this year, despite those protocols killing and maiming people like clockwork. Thus, it is more than likely Matt Christman got at least two covid boosters, despite his finest work being done alone, in a room, to a web cam. Of course, his colleagues will never detail just how much poison their idiocy shoved into their golden goose. They’ll never detail any of this, because they did it themselves, to their best friend.

One reason my unvaxxed ass loves Matt so much is you could tell he was highly uncomfortable when his cohosts Will Menaker and Felix Beidermann regularly did their passive aggressive pharma vaudeville act to scold their audience about vaccines. Almost always silent during these clown acts, you could hear Matt cringe. Clever boys as always, Will and Felix kept their vax hysteria just on the edge of explicit, as in the January 3, 2022 episode (from LA, of course) so seething with contempt for their own audience it was the last time I listened to the show, and wrote about it here.

Will Menaker of course leads Episode #590’s charge against us filthy unvaxxed, unsurprising given his pedigree as typical heir of New York City media privilege desperate for “back to normal”, “normal” being a capitalist hellscape which only NYC media kids like Will ever benefit from. Felix Biederman piles on with his usual above-it-all sneering, complete with the Jew jokes he is allowed to tell because he’s Jewish – it’s his schtick. Mazel tov! Most interestingly, everyone’s fave Matt Christman, the one Chapo boy from the Midwest, largely bites his tongue throughout…largely but not entirely.

Compounding this tragedy into truly biblical proportion, Matt’s first child, a daughter, is to be born this week. My hope is that Matt’s first public words after all this are uttered with his baby in his arms to tell us all, “stop taking that poison you dumbasses!” More likely, Matt will just fade away into The Silent Death, still alive in body, but gone to us all, like so many others around us. Matt’s last recorded work to be released by Chapo will be on the Spanish Civil War, which Matt announced in his final video he finished last week. May God have mercy on the souls who pushed that needle into everyone, and may we all find forgiveness for them, as we are called to do seventy times seven times.